When reading aloud, for which this is meant,
Please keep in your mind that the @ is silent;
For names unfamiliar that cause you to think,
Fear not, as each one is a link.
To all real poets, I send utmost apol’gies
Most of all to R. Angell, king of this style of homilies.
* * *
In 2011, a year oh so sweet,
I truly engaged in the world of the tweet
For news and for humor, I must give my thanks
To at least some of the folks who fill out its ranks:
When I am in need of a funny retort,
I steal from the master @BorowitzReport.
For my twitter one liners I have gotten the hang,
From the comic machine, one @JohnFugelsang.
Sometimes I find that I laugh ‘til I cough
With rapid witticisms from wry @ditzkoff,
But when I want theatre news, then the best tweets to see,
Are those that are tagged @patrickhealynyt;
And @HellerNYT, please don’t critique my poor meter,
As I’ve struggled to name your gang at @nytimestheater.
All news from the Times may come out helter skelter,
But it’s diced, chopped and shortened by fine @BrianStelter;
West coast theatre news is most accurately sung,
In the tweets of @latimes editor, sharp lady @lfung.
Also in that direction, where the weather’s oft fair,
Come dispatches via @moorejohn and @JimHebert.
When it’s news of what’s up in my home state show biz,
I’ve only to turn to @joesview and @showriz.
As our twitter crowd gathers comes a pair of renown,
Please play for us @GeorgiaStitt and @MrJasonRBrown!
I promise that if you’ll just play the piano,
You’ll get zero guff from @ccaggiano.
Our joy and amusement will never be scanty,
Long as we see the work of Miss @laurabenanti.
Or who else to admire, well don’t you suppose,
That we’re just as enchanted by @anikanonirose?
And for late night odd tweets that have us gasping for breath,
Look only to the nocturnal @kchenoweth.
Rock, roll and showtunes surely deserve a hand
For that dynamo Alice and @RipleytheBand.
Among great musical stars, I count myself luckily
As one who can send a DM to @BettyBuckley.
For comic repartee, both swift and not mean,
Doff your cap to Spinal Tap’s great @mjmckean,
I envy him greatly at his end of the rainbow,
Nightly he goes home to kiss lovely gal @JimmyJindo.
For what I write here, I might land in hell,
When compared to the verse of Heights’ Lin_Manuel,
And while naming Tony winners is no longer my hobby,
I call out to another awards champ, @LopezBobby.
From theatre critics’ ranks, I’ll raise a loud shout,
To intrepid arts traveler Mr. @terryteachout.
Opinions? Time Out New York most certainly had ‘em,
With the sage @davidcote and the sharp @FeldmanAdam,
And out in Chicago theatre folks most aspire,
To praise from @ChrisJonesTrib and Time Out’s good @krisvire.
Sing ho, for @AP’s Mark @KennedyTwits,
And though not down with Twitter, the News’s Joe Dziemianowicz.
At the @wsj, there’s a big three-way tie:
Ellen Gamerman, @piacatton and new friend @barbarachai.
While our online debates devolve into “Yo Mama,”
I wish only the best to @petermarksdrama.
For Canadian news, I’ve had the good luck,
To meet @globeandmail’s intrepid Kelly @nestruck.
On drama thoughts British, he’s the West End’s accurate gauge,
The constantly flying scribe Mark @ShentonStage.
Other good English journos, I’ll serve pudding figgy
To The @Guardian’s @lyngardner and her colleague Ms. @chiggi.
Bloggers you shouldn’t miss and I often have thunk-a,
Read wise @parabasis and smart @Geohunka.
If you want your blog reads at a passionate pitch,
You need go no further than bold soul @clydefitch.
For countless articles, and blog posts, we surely all hail,
Encyclopedic digest-er Thomas — hey @youvecottmail!
For all of the satires that they have loosed,
Let’s laugh with the trio known as the @reduced,
And Shakespearean buffs cannot possibly shame me,
As I praise able Bard tender, one @ASC_Amy.
As @2amt grows to influence more,
We owe debt to its founder — nimble guy, that @dloehr.
While praising @2amt, I’d be called a phony
If I omit @travisbedard and @halcyontony.
Applaud @Pollykcarl and also @ddower,
Immersed in new plays that they want to see flower.
Say it’s social media you want to shmooze with,
See DC’s @allihouseworth and @devonvsmith.
Meet the folks behind ads, displays, flyers and hypes,
Here’s @trishamead, ol’ @chadbauman and skillful @spinstripes.
Bravely dipping toes into Twitter, he’s surely the one,
Stalwart Goodman head honcho @RobertFalls201.
While east coasters may think that she’s out in the sticks,
There’s wisdom to garner from @LindainPhoenix;
If you study in Boston, it’s Emerson’s plus,
To offer the classes of kind @JulieHennrikus.
Former colleagues of yore I praise with élan,
@Jcravens42 and fundraiser skilled @mcahalane.
Even anonymous tweeters I’ve goodwill allotted,
To @BroadwayGirlNYC and the sharp @BroadwaySpotted.
Because he’s so gracious, he won’t slander my rhymin’,
Cheers to even-toned theatre buff @nprscottsimon;
And I’ll happily share a most seasonal bagel
With playwright and radio host — wait wait, @PeterSagal!
Compared to most humans, we’re mired in sloth
When contrasted with Jujamcyn’s prez, @Jordan_Roth.
At @TectonicTheater there’s no manager finer,
Than skillful good-natured tweep, their @gregreiner.
You’re feeling parched? Let us drink some wassail
With @teresaeyring and @DERagsdale.
If you’ve known me for years this won’t come as a shocker
That I send holiday wishes to old friend @Kockenlocker.
Another longtime associate whose opinions I rate,
Is the veteran publicist @Bubbles2828;
Among new p.r. folk most particular fine,
I list @deniseschneider and @BrookeM1109.
Warm jacket and mittens I send @TDFNYC greeter,
The cheerful and inventive @EricaMTheatre.
At the @NewVictory, for your kids and you,
Works the good-humored @JamieNYC42.
‘Round restored @LincolnCenter these guys built a fine berth,
@SimsJames and Shakespearean @AWShuttleworth.
Though she’s mostly afar, on the dance floor I’d twirl
My Aussie companion, stalwart show gal @DramaGirl;
While we’re Down Under we’ll get our egg nog on,
For writers @elissablake and @alisoncroggon.
At this season of kindness I must also bless,
Humanist playwright @GwydionS;
To the convicts at Sing Sing @_PlainKate_ brings the art,
She’s admired by me and most astute @TheaterSmart.
There are so many playwrights whose debts we are in,
But I name only @kristofferdiaz and The New School’s @chris_shinn.
To past homes of employment highest praises I’ll sing:
@HartfordStage, @GoodspeedMusicl, @gevatheatre, @TheWing.
For those not found here, please don’t be offended,
Since holiday cheer’s what I fully intended,
It may be that your handle was too tough to rhyme,
Or that after much effort, I ran out of time.
To all who have patience with my obsession Twitter
I shower you all with confetti and glitter,
Here’s to the topics into which we will delve
In the next theater year, two thousand and twelve.
I am in awe!